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-------Daylene's Note------ As a ministers wife, I have been blessed with many people who send me funny and touching church related stories. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have!
ideaI have two children. A little girl (5) and a little boy (2). My little boy LOVES balloons. One day it was time to go outside and he had a balloon. I tried to explained to him why he shouldn't take it outside but he took it anyway. He held on to his balloon for a really long time and he accidentally let go. As we were watching it fly away, my little girl said," Brother your balloon is going up to Heaven to be with Jesus...Jesus is going to say 'Hey, it's not my birthday today!"
10-2-00When my son was barely more than a toddler our church was in revival. Our evangelist had two daughters, Rhonda and Angel, who played instruments and sang. He fell in love with these girls. During the preaching the subject of the rapture came up. We left after the service, when we arrived home my young son asked what is the rapture? Trying to explain in a way he could understand I said that is when Jesus comes back in the air and gets those who love him and takes them to heaven. Trying to make it exciting I added there will be an ANGEL with a trumpet... My son interrupting in an excited voice says... and RHONDA can play the piano.
Last year we were practicing for out end of the year program in the sanctuary of our church. I was sitting by two of our little boys. One of the boys was talking particularly loud and the other looked at him and sternly said, "you need to be quiet! This is God's house!" The other little boy looked puzzled and after a short pause he said, "This is God's house? Where's his bed?" A third boy chimed in at this point and said, "God doesn't live here silly; He lives in Heaven." I had to chuckle--then I explained about God (I couldn't loose a teachable moment in the midst of the humor :-) 9-4-00I have a "Noah" in my class. After learning his name, one of the little girls asked me "Can Noah bring his animals to class?" Not realizing what she was thinking, I asked, "What animals?" She then replied, "The ones he took on the big boat with him." I smiled and said "That Noah is old and lives with God now." She then asked, "Can you call God's house and ask Noah to bring his animals?" 8-18-00A close friend's 4-year old son was playing with a 3-year old (girl) cousin one afternoon. The girl, whose father had recently become a Christian, was telling her cousin how her father now had "Jesus in his heart". She was very excited about this and was expecting an equal reaction from the boy. After a few minutes went by she repeated her statement. "I said" My daddy has Jesus in his heart!" The four year old boy looks at her confused and replies "My dad only has heartburn!" 5-31-00One day when my children were talking, one says to the other, "God is big" the other replied, "Yeah", the first said "He's bigger than an elephant." 4-24-00Once a week I tell a Bible Story to a group of 40 children at my preschool. Because there are so many kids, I try to be very animated and visual so I don't loose them. I was telling the story of Joseph and his coat of many colors. When I tell this story I always wear a suit that has a very wild colored jacket with it. I began by explaining jealousy, and how Joseph's brothers felt about him and their father. I then stopped the story and said "see my coat, maybe Joseph's coat was colorful like this one". And then without prompt, one of our little guys jumped up and said "yes, and I'm jealous". Well needless to say, it was hard to go on after that! Date: 3-20-00The other night while we were eating supper my 4 year old said something very funny. I made kielbasa and it was still pretty hot so Jonah took a bite and said "Oh, that will burn Jesus!". Not quite understanding what he meant I said, "What honey?" and he said, "This is hot and it will burn my heart and Jesus is in there so it will burn Jesus!" What a riot!! Date: 3-20-00My co-teacher was reading the story Jonah and the Whale, when she stopped in the middle of the story to transition to a new activity. One of our precious preschoolers, announced...Miss Ruth, I know who saved Jonah, a lifeguard!! So true...God is definitely our lifeguard!! Date: 3-5-00Brian, age 4, and Scott, age 3, and I were talking about what God is like. Knowing that this was one of my most important "Mom jobs", I gave it my all. I told them that God is wonderful and knows everything and is always with them and loves them very much. "Does God smile a lot?", Brian wanted to know. "God smile at you guys all the time!", I told them. I was feeling pretty good about how things were going until Brian exclaimed, "You mean Barney is GOD?!!" Date: 2-29-00My best friend and co-teacher at our church preschool often gets me tickled at her version of what she thinks songs say... For example, in the song "there's a hole in the bucket dear Liza" she was found singing "there's a hole in the bucket Elijah, Elijah". I often tease her about it. Recently she said "You think I'm funny, Cortney (her 5 yr old daughter) was singing "When I get to Heaven gonna walk with Jesus. Well, when she got to the part of saying "going to see his face" She said "going to sing in space." That really brought a tickle to me, but it seemed very logical to 5 yr old as Heaven is in space to them. Like the old saying goes.... like mother like daughter. Date: 1-31-00At Easter time last year at our preschool, I taught my 4-5 year olds the chorus to "He Arose". They sang it with as gusto much as they could muster. At dinner one night at Tyler's home the conversation turned to a newly picked rose used as a centerpiece. Not wishing to be left out of the conversation, Tyler told his family he knew a song about a rose and promptly began to sing "He arose, He arose, Hallelujah, Christ arose!" How like a child to see that!!!!!! Date: 1-19-00I was reading the story of Jesus' birth and how the three wise men brought gifts to the newborn. After reading the story to my pre-k class-I asked who remembers what the three wise men brought the king. One little girl raised her hand and said "oh I know....Gold, Myrrh and Frankenstein" :o)) Date: 1-17-00We are in Ohio visiting my mother this weekend. When we returned from church Sunday, my mom asked my boys (ages 3 and 4),"Who was your teacher at Grandma's church ?" "We had 2 teachers!" Tucker responded. "No, Tuck," Tyler corrected. "One was the teacher, the other one was just the potty guy". Date: 1-15-00I was teaching my daughter the days of creation. On the page she was looking at there were seven circles, each representing a day. In the seventh circle was printed, "God Rested." I moved my finger from circle to circle, quizzing my daughter about the events of each one. When I pointed at the seventh circle I asked, "And what did God do on the seventh day?" My daughter exclaimed, "He made letters!" Contact_FullName: Dana Contact_Email: fred3819@pathwaynet.com idea This is a humorous story for you all. A week ago Sunday in the morning service I heard this little voice calling mommy and I knew that it was my 3 1/2 year old daughter. We were in the middle of prayer time and she came walking out into the sanctuary with her belt undone and told me she couldn't get it. Kind of embarrassing but very sweet. It wasn't the enemy working just God's gracious hand reminding me that he keeps us all connected even in the oddest times. Amen!!! Date: 11-17-99 ideaIT WASN’T EASY BEING ME It wasn’t easy being Me. I had it all. And created it all; set everything in place just so. Each unique planet, star, flower, and insect all parts of my imagination. Then the day came when I had to leave. Leave a place of perfection and joy, next to My Father’s side, and trade it in for a corrupt world and men who for the most part wanted absolutely nothing to do with Me. I would hardly call it an even trade. I took on a form of limited capabilities, the human body is just not the same as a heavenly body. My birth was not heralded throughout the world by people, but by angels sent from My Father. It was so good to hear their voices. I know that I’ll be needing them again soon enough. Looking up, I can see the face of my mother beaming with pride and exhilaration. She knows who she holds. Growing up was quite an adventure in itself. I did all the normal things young boys did, yet there was also something different. There was a purpose for me to fulfill. This very purpose was the reason my parents “lost” me for some time and found me in the temple, my Father’s house. Then there came the day when I had to leave my parents and begin a journey that only I could do. Walking along the beach, found what some would call very unlikely companions, but they were exactly what I needed. One, whose name was Peter, was a fireball of enthusiasm and opinion. Little did he know what was in store for him. There were others as well, some fishermen, brothers, tax collectors, and the like. Crowds gathered. So many people. Sometimes it would seem as though they would smother Me. There were so many. Sick. Diseased. Broken. Outcast. Rejected. Their eyes filled with hope. Each one screaming, “Please help me!” and yet never saying a word. Desperation. Questions upon questions. I can see it all. There were times when I just had to get away, to be alone with My dad and spend some time in his arms. It wouldn’t be long before he would welcome Me home. Each day, every precious hour, draws Me closer to a fate I know I can’t avoid. I can’t explain to you how difficult it was to be completely God and completely human. Religious leaders who were plotting against Me and talking about Me when they thought I couldn’t hear them. But I knew their heart and it spoke to Me about the type of person they were. The day I rode into Jerusalem on a donkey people lined the streets cheering, laying palm branches and their garments in the dusty road for Me to ride in on. And yet, I know it is this same cheering crowd who will be screaming to have Me crucified. How hard it was to hear one of My closest friends pledge his undying loyalty to Me, willing to sacrifice his life for Mine and yet I know that it will be just a few short hours before he denies that he ever even knew Me. The hurt and confusion on his face saddened me as I revealed this to him. It’s one thing to be betrayed, but to be betrayed by someone called friend is something else. I gave him an up close and personal glimpse of God and he sold it. Foolishness, your name is Judas. Once My personal friend, now My betrayer. A kiss on the cheek? How ironic. And as that angry mob came forward, a defender me came from behind. Peter. Sometimes his zeal got the best of him and I had to remind him that this was the way I was supposed to go. And as I turned I realized I was alone. Behind me was emptiness. My friends had run away. After a farce of a trial came the mocking. Every imaginable insult was hurled at Me because ... why? My beard was pulled out; I was spit upon. My garment, My only earthly possession, was gambled away by the soldiers. It seemed evident to them that My garment was worth much more than My life. I will never forget the beating. One would hit Me until he grew weary, then another would pick up where the other left off. My back was so badly beaten that it looked like raw ground meat. One of the soldiers went to trouble of making Me a crown of thorns which, like a thousand daggers, pierced my scalp and went all the way to My skull. The cross was heavy. So heavy. With every step it seemed as though the sins of the world were continually heaped on, almost crushing Me. Would I make it up the hill? I had to. As I laid down on that cross and stretched out my arms my stomach was uneasy. I could just barely feel the tip of the spike at My wrist before the hammer came down like a clasp of thunder and drove it into My flesh. I screamed in agony and instead of compassion I got more insults. A couple of more strikes and it would hold Me to this piece of wood. Slowly, I was lifted up. My body’s weight against the spikes made it difficult to breathe. So many people. I could just barely make out the image of John, one of my closest friends, and my mother. Her face. The same face I remembered as an infant. How hard it was for her to see her son this way. So much pain. And yet, even in this place, salvation as the one on My right declares Me and becomes mine. I DID WHAT I WENT TO DO. FINISHED. COMPLETED I did go back though, to the earth, I had to show them that I was alive. Some more readily believed than others. But I especially wanted to see My friend, Peter. You see, after he denied Me he thought he had blown it with Me for good. He was wrong and I wanted to tell him face to face. Some of you are like that. You think you’ve blown it, let me down so badly that I could never give you another chance. But you’re wrong. You can’t sin greater than My love for you. All you have to do is turn around to see Me. At times, I feel the scars on My wrists and on My side and I think of you. You are worth everything I went through. My love for you is so much greater than any amount of pain I endured. As I anxiously wait for the day to return, not in another manger, but in glory, I think about seeing you run to Me as I run to you as fast as I can. Finally getting to embrace you, a moment which I have waited for all your life. You keep saying, “Jesus, Jesus. I love You”, while I’m saying, ”Oh how I love you! You did it, you made it!” IT WASN’T EASY BEING ME ... BUT YOU ARE WORTH IT! Written by Rusty Wheelington, Minister of Youth Raleigh Baptist Church Memphis, TN. Date: 9-29-99ideaI was babysitting 5 children in a family office environment. Since the family was Christian, I thought nothing of teaching the children some of the Bible stories that I love. One day, we were learning all about when Jesus walked on the water to reach the disciples. I asked the children "How did he walk on the water without falling in?" The youngest child spoke up and informed us that "Jesus could walk on the water because he doesn't know how to swim" Date: 9-9-99
Date: 8-13-99I WORK IN THE NURSERY AT MY CHURCH AND I NOTICED ONE LITTLE BOY KEPT SAYING CHURCH WHEN HE WAS WITH ME. IT TOOK A WHILE TO FIGURE OUT HE WAS CALLING ME CHURCH. WHEN HIS PARENTS WOULD GET HIM READY FOR CHURCH ON SUNDAYS, THEY WOULD SAY,"LET'S GO TO CHURCH." THEN THEY WOULD BRING HIM TO ME!
Date: 8-13-99I am currently teaching preschool, but for three years I ran a licensed home care. One day it was raining, as it usually does in Washington, and one of my little girls said "My Daddy said the rain is good because God sends it to make things grow." I replied "Yes, the rain is what makes everything so green here." I could see on her little face that this had really gotten her to thinking, and finally she said "Miss Barbie, do you think maybe God's a frog?" Daylene
Daylene Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The Daylene UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE I am a mother of three and recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with qualities I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone, so I thought this would be a piece of cake. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went to McDonald's one morning. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch...an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally deficient and the blue eyed gentle man was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey. To give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we, as human beings and being part of God, share this need to heal people and be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn. Daylene by Peggy Porter My son Gilbert was eight years old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time. During one of his meetings he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and give all to "dad". That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do. Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son. But Gilbert tried. Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young, eager son. The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed. Finally, mom stepped in to see if I could figure this all out. The project began. Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read the directions and let Gilbert do the work. And he did. I read aloud the measurements, the rules of what we could do and what we couldn't do. Within days his block of wood was turning into a pinewood derby car. A little lopsided, but looking great (at least through the eyes of mom). Gilbert had not seen any of the other kids cars and was feeling pretty proud of his "Blue Lightning", the pride that comes with knowing you did something on your own. Then the big night came. With his blue pinewood derby in his hand and pride in his heart we headed to the big race. Once there my little one's pride turned to humility. Gilbert's car was obviously the only car made entirely on his own. All the other cars were a father-son partnership, with cool paint jobs and sleek body styles made for speed. A few of the boys giggled as they looked at Gilberts, lopsided, wobbly, unattractive vehicle. To add to the humility Gilbert was the only boy without a man at his side. A couple of the boys who were from single parent homes at least had an uncle or grandfather by their side, Gilbert had "mom". As the race began it was done in elimination fashion. You kept racing as long as you were the winner. One by one the cars raced down the finely sanded ramp. Finally it was between Gilbert and the sleekest, fastest looking car there. As the last race was about to begin, my wide eyed, shy eight year old ask if they could stop the race for a minute, because he wanted to pray. The race stopped. Gilbert hit his knees clutching his funny looking block of wood between his hands. With a wrinkled brow he set to converse with his Father. He prayed in earnest for a very long minute and a half. Then he stood, smile on his face and announced, 'Okay, I am ready." As the crowd cheered, a boy named Tommy stood with his father as their car sped down the ramp. Gilbert stood with his Father within his heart and watched his block of wood wobble down the ramp with surprisingly great speed and rushed over the finish line a fraction of a second before Tommy's car. Gilbert leaped into the air with a loud "Thank you" as the crowd roared in approval. The Scout Master came up to Gilbert with microphone in hand and asked the obvious question, "So you prayed to win, huh, Gilbert?" To which my young son answered, "Oh, no sir. That wouldn't be fair to ask God to help you beat someone else. I just asked Him to make it so I don't cry when I lose." Children seem to have a wisdom far beyond us. Gilbert didn't ask God to win the race, he didn't ask God to fix the out come, Gilbert asked God to give him strength in the outcome. When Gilbert first saw the other cars he didn't cry out to God, "No fair, they had a fathers help". No, he went to his Father for strength. Perhaps we spend too much of our prayer time asking God to rig the race, to make us number one, or too much time asking God to remove us from the struggle, when we should be seeking God's strength to get through the struggle. "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 Gilbert's simple prayer spoke volumes to those present that night. He never doubted that God would indeed answer his request. He didn't pray to win, thus hurt someone else, he prayed that God supply the grace to lose with dignity. Gilbert, by his stopping the race to speak to his Father also showed the crowd that he wasn't there without a "dad", but His Father was most definitely there with him. Yes, Gilbert walked away a winner that night, with his Father at his side.
Date: 7-13-99A Mother's Prayer Oh give me the patience when tiny hands tug at me with their small demands. And give me gentle and smiling eyes; Keep my lips from sharp replies. And let not fatigue, confusion, or noise obsure my vision of life's fleeting joys so when, years later, my house is still-No bitter memories its room may fill. Daylene THE WORLD IS MINE Today upon a bus I saw a girl with golden hair. She seemed so gay, I envied her, and wished I was so fair. I watched her as she rose to leave, and I saw her hobble down the aisle. She had one leg and wore a crutch, but as she passed....a smile. Oh God, forgive me when I whine; I have two legs, and the World is Mine. I bought some sweets later on that day. The boy who sold them had such charm; I thought I'd stop and talk a while...if I were late, 'twould do no harm. And as we talked he said," Thank you, sir. You've really been so kind. It is nice to talk to folks like you, because you see I'm blind. Oh God, forgive me when I whine; I have two eyes, and the World is Mine.
Later, walking down the street, I met a boy with eyes so blue; but he stood and watched the others play; it seemed he knew not what to do. I paused, and then I said" Why don't you join the others, dear?" But he looked straight ahead without a word, and then I knew, he couldn't hear. Oh God, forgive me when I whine; I have two ears and the World is Mine. Two legs to take me where I go... Two eyes to see the Sunset's glow.... Two ears to hear all that I should know.... Oh God, forgive me when I whine; I'm blessed indeed, For the World is Mine. ~By Susanne Pic Daylene HEARTPRINTS Whatever our hands touch- We leave fingerprints! On walls, on furniture On doorknobs, dishes, books. There's no escape. As we touch we leave our identity. Oh God, wherever I go today Help me leave heart prints! Heart prints of compassion Of understanding and love. Heart prints of kindness And genuine concern. May my heart touch a lonely neighbor Or a runaway daughter Or an anxious mother Or perhaps an aged grandfather. Lord, send me out today To leave heart prints. And if someone should say "I felt your touch," May that one sense YOUR LOVE Touching through ME. ~Anonymous Daylene I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, "I know." I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears." I said, "God, I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine." I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones." I said, "God, my loved one died." And God said, "So did mine." I said, "God, it is such a loss." And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross." I said, "God, but your loved one lives." And God said, "So does yours." I said, "God, where are they now?" And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light." I said, "God, it hurts." And God said, "I know." Posted on the wall at the Oklahoma City bombing site by K. C. and Myke Kuzmic Daylene
From the Mouths of Babes A physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought my friend, daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. - May I take your order?" =================================================== A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" ==================================================== A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer: 3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7. ================================================== A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" ================================================= After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had." =============================================== A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?" Daylene SIGNS ON CHURCH PROPERTY: "No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace." "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!" "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins." "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!" People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are." "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right." "Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily." "How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Nonsmoking?" "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives": "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world." "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin." "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church." "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns." "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again." "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon." "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ---------"U" "R" "Forbidden fruit creates many jams." "In the dark? Follow the Son." "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up." "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd." Daylene
EVERYTHING I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM NOAH'S ARK 1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. 2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big. 3. Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done. 4. Build on the high ground. 5. For safety's sake, travel in pairs. 6. Two heads are better than one. 7. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails. 8. If you can't fight or flee -- float! 9. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth. 10. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat. 11. When things gets really deep, don't sit there and complain-shovel! 12. Stay below deck during the storm. 13. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals. 14. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side. 15. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside. 16. Don't miss the boat. 17. No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the other side. Daylene A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!" **************************************************** The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" ***************************************************** Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." *************************************************** The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country." "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently. **************************************************** After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?" **************************************************** Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water." One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?" *************************************************** A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child." **************************************************** A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
**************************************************** My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. **************************************************** A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." **************************************************** I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!" **************************************************** A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" *************************************************** Daylene A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife. Daylene
Kids' Letters to God D E A R G O D . . . . Dear GOD, In Sunday school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? Jane Dear GOD, I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison Dear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? Lucy Dear GOD, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? Jane Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Neil Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. Jane Dear GOD, Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother. Darla Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom L. Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. Bruce Dear GOD, My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. Danny Dear GOD, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry Dear GOD, I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. Sam Dear GOD, You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. Dean Dear GOD, I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. Elliott Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan Dear GOD, Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best. Rob Dear GOD, My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? Marsha Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. Mickey D. Dear GOD, I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love, Chris Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna Dear GOD: The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do. Eddie Dear GOD, I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. Charles Dear GOD, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! Eugene Daylene Something to think about... The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a pastorate. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects. Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man's wife, but did offer to share his own wife with another man. Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting, and has a prison record. Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge. David:_The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor's wife. Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives. Elijah: Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure. Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church. Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation. Deborah: Strong leader and seems to be anointed, but she is female. Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river. Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language. Jonah: Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up. Amos: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people might fit in better in a poor congregation. Melchizedek: Great credentials at current work place, but where does this guy come from? No information on his resume about former work records. Every line about parents was left blank and he refused to supply a birth date. (This aside from Les: Ancient Jewish tradition has it that Melchizedek is really Shem. If you check out the lifespan of Shem in the Bible, it seems to be true!) John: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like one.Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders. Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper-even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. James & John: Package deal preacher & associate seemed good at first, but found out they have an ego problem regarding other fellow workers and seating positions. Threatened an entire town after an insult. Also known to try to discourage workers who didn't follow along with them. Timothy: Too young! Methuselah: Too old . . . WAY too old! Jesus: Has had popular times, but once his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all, and then this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he's single. Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here. Date: 7-1-99Jesus and the Dark While staying at my parents house one night my son was told to go to bed. Since the bed room was so far away he kept reappearing saying he was scared of the dark, so my husband went back to the room with him to prey together, then my husband came back out to the living room where we all were. Not to long after that my son also reappeared. My husband said to him "Auldin, now what's wrong?" "Dad I'm still scared,"my son said. "Well did you talk to Jesus like I showed you." my husband said. My son replied "ya dad and Jesus said it's dark too...." Submitted by Daylene I see Jesus 2-3-99 I am a Southern Baptist so I really got a gigggle out of this one! Subject: Class Assignment 2-3-99 THE LETTER After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be 12-28-98 LORD HELP ME... 12-28-98 HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE 12-27-98 The Bible----Short Version God made Thank you, Whitney, for this great story!~~~ Daylene Three Little Trees (Anonymous) A friend of mine sent me this via e-mail today. Since my husband is a Southern Baptist Minister, I got a real giggle out of all these letters!! Daylene 12-15-98 :::::::::Giggling::::::::: I threatened my husband I was going to do one of the following if he preaches a boring sermon. This was sent to me by a girl who used to be in my husband's youth group almost 13 years ago! Have fun!!! Daylene Fun Things To Do During Boring Sermons Adam's Suit A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, 10-22-98 Name: Teresa 10-21-98 Name: Amy 10-4-98 A Prayer For The Children 9-24-98 Grandparents Author Unknown 8-8-98 Author: Unknown 1 Corinthians 13 For Mothers If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do not show love in my family I'm just another housewife. If I'm always producing lovely things -- sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family I am nothing. Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes -- over and over again. Love is kind, though tired and frazzled. Love doesn't envy another woman -- one whose children are "spaced" better, or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests. Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother. Love doesn't scream at the kids. Love doesn't feel cheated because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do today -- sew, read, soak in a hot tub. Love doesn't lose my temper easily. Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating. Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good. Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children. 7-22-98 Name: Angie E-Mail: bonthuis@ames.net A couple of years ago, I taught public school preschool, but because of limited space, my program was housed in a church near the elementary building. One day, I noticed the minister of the church walk by my classroom door. He smiled at me, and waved at Ronnie, a little boy I was working with. Ronnie watched him walk by, and then said to me (with a solemn look on his face), "Teacher, God just waved at me!" 2-2-98 Name: Casi E-mail: KC028@aol.com Author Unknown ICE CREAM Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would thank you even more if Mom gets us Ice Cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!" Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for Ice Cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?", my son asked. "Cross my heart", then in theatrical whisper he added (indicating to the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for Ice Cream. A little Ice Cream is good for the soul sometimes." Naturally, I bought my kid Ice Cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his Sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice Cream is good for the soul sometimes and my soul is good already!" A Christmas Story Author--- Unknown It was only five days before Christmas. The spirit of the season hadn't yet caught up with me, even though cars packed the parking lot of our Houston area Target Shopping Center. Inside the store, it was worse. Shopping carts and last minute shoppers jammed the aisles. Why did I come today? I wondered. My feet ached almost as much as my head. My list contained names of several people who claimed they wanted nothing but I knew their feelings would be hurt if I didn't buy them anything. Buying for someone who had everything and deploring the high cost of items, I considered gift-buying anything but fun. Hurriedly, I filled my shopping cart with last minute items and proceeded to the long checkout lines. I picked the shortest but it looked as if it would mean at least a 20 minute wait. In front of me were two small children - a boy of about 10 and a younger girl about 5. The boy wore a ragged coat. Enormously large, tattered tennis shoes jutted far out in front of his much too short jeans. He clutched several crumpled dollar bills in his grimy hands.The girl's clothing resembled her brother's. Her head was a matted mass of curly hair. Reminders of an evening meal showed on her small face. She carried a beautiful pair of shiny, gold house slippers. As the Christmas music sounded in the store's stereo system, the girl hummed along off-key but happily. When we finally approached the checkout register, the girl carefully placed the shoes on the counter. She treated them as though they were a treasure. The clerk rang up the bill. "That will be $6.09," she said.The boy laid his crumpled dollars atop the stand while he searched his pockets. He finally came up with $3.12. "I guess we will have to put them back, " he bravely said. "We will come back some other time, maybe tomorrow. "With that statement, a soft sob broke from the little girl. "But Jesus would have loved these shoes, " she cried. "Well, we'll go home and work some more. Don't cry. We'll come back," he said. Quickly I handed $3.00 to the cashier. These children had waited in line for a long time. And, after all, it was Christmas. Suddenly a pair of arms came around me and a small voice said, "Thank you Sir." "What did you mean when you said Jesus would like the shoes?" I asked. The small boy answered, "Our mommy is sick and going to heaven. Daddy said she might go before Christmas to be with Jesus." The girl spoke, "My Sunday school teacher said the streets in heaven are shiny gold, just like these shoes. Won't mommy be beautiful walking on those streets to match these shoes?" My eyes flooded as I looked into her tear streaked face. "Yes" I answered, "I am sure she will." Silently I thanked God for using these children to remind me of the true spirit of giving. Christmas is not about the amount of money paid, nor the amount of gifts purchased, nor trying to impress friends and relatives. Christmas is about the love in your heart to share with those as Jesus Christ has shared with each of us. Christmas is about the Birth of Jesus whom God sent to show the world how much he really loves us. Please show this love as we think of the upcoming season. The Gift Bobby was getting cold sitting out in his back yard in the snow. Bobby didn't wear boots; he didn't like them and anyway he didn't own any. The thin sneakers he wore had a few holes in them and they did a poor job of keeping out the cold. Bobby had been in his backyard for about an hour already. And, try as he might, he could not come up with an idea for his mother's Christmas gift. He shook his head as he thought, "This is useless, even if I do come up with an idea, I don't have any money to spend." Ever since his father had passed away three years ago, the family of five had struggled. It wasn't because his mother didn't care, or try, there just never seemed to be enough. She worked nights at the hospital, but the small wage that she was earning could only be stretched so far. What the family lacked in money and material things, they more than made up for in love and family unity. Bobby had two older and one younger sister, who ran the household in their mother's absence. All three of his sisters had already made beautiful gifts for their mother. Somehow it just wasn't fair. Here it was Christmas Eve already, and he had nothing. Wiping a tear from his eye, Bobby kicked the snow and started to walk down to the street where the shops and stores were. It wasn't easy being six without a father, especially when he needed a man to talk to. Bobby walked from shop to shop, looking into each decorated window. Everything seemed so beautiful and so out of reach. It was starting to get dark and Bobby reluctantly turned to walk home when suddenly his eyes caught the glimmer of thesetting sun's rays reflecting off of something along the curb. He reached down and discovered a shiny dime. Never before has anyone felt so wealthy as Bobby felt at that moment. As he held his new found treasure, a warmth spread throughout his entire body and he walked into the first store he saw. His excitement quickly turned cold when salesperson after salesperson told him that he could not buy anything with only a dime. He saw a flower shop and went inside to wait in line. When the shop owner asked if he could help him, Bobby presented the dime and asked if he could buy one flower for his mother's Christmas gift. The shop owner looked at Bobby and his ten cent offering. Then he put his hand on Bobby's shoulder and said to him, "You just wait here and I'll see what I can do for you." As Bobby waited, he looked at the beautiful flowers and even though he was a boy, he could see why mothers and girls liked flowers. The sound of the door closing as the last customer left, jolted Bobby back to reality. All alone in the shop, Bobby began to feel alone and afraid. Suddenly the shop owner came out and moved to the counter. There, before Bobby's eyes, lay twelve long stem, red roses, with leaves of green and tiny white flowers all tied together with a big silver bow. Bobby's heart sank as the owner picked them up and placed them gently into a long white box. "That will be ten cents young man." the shop owner said reaching out his hand for thedime. Slowly, Bobby moved his hand to give the man his dime. Could this be true? No one else would give him a thing for his dime! Sensing the boy's reluctance, theshop owner added, "I just happened to have some roses on sale for ten cents adozen. Would you like them?" This time Bobby did not hesitate, and when the man placed the long box into his hands, he knew it was true. Walking out the door that the owner was holding for Bobby, he heard the shop keeper say, "Merry Christmas, son." As he returned inside, the shop keepers wife walked out. "Who were you talking to back there and where are the roses you were fixing?" Staring out the window, and blinking the tears from his own eyes, he replied, "A strange thing happened to me this morning. While I was setting up things to open the shop, I thought I heard a voice telling me to set aside a dozen of my best roses for a special gift. I wasn't sure at the time whether I had lost my mind or what, but I set them aside anyway. Then just a few minutes ago, a little boy came into the shop and wanted to buy a flower for his mother with one small dime. When I looked at him, I saw myself, many years ago. I too was a poor boy with nothing to buy my mother a Christmas gift. A bearded man, whom I never knew, stopped me on the street and told me that he wanted to give me ten dollars. When I saw that little boy tonight, I knew who that voice was, and I put together a dozen of my very best roses." The shop owner and his wife hugged each other tightly, and as they stepped out into the bitter cold air, they somehow didn't feel cold at all. - Thomas Pucci The Gift Author Unknown We often learn most from our children. Sometime ago, a friend of mine punished his 3 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight, and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This is for you Daddy," He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction, but his anger flared again when he found that the box was empty. He yelled at her, "Don't you know that when you give someone a present, there's suppose to be something inside of it?" The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "Oh, DADDY, It's not empty, I BLEW KISSES INTO THE BOX. ALL FOR YOU DADDY." The father was so crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and begged for her forgiveness. My friend told me he kept that box by his bed for years. Whenever discouraged, he would take out an imaginary KISS and remember the love of the CHILD who had put it there. IN A VERY REAL SENSE, EACH OF US AS PARENTS HAS BEEN GIVEN A GOLD CONTAINER FILLED WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND KISSES FROM OUR CHILDREN. THERE IS NO MORE PRECIOUS POSSESSION ANYONE COULD HOLD...... Name: Daylene E-Mail: aactchrday@aol.com Author: Anonymous A Mother's Prayer Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day, With little time to stop and pray, For Life's been anything but calm, Since You called me to be a mom - Running errands, matching socks, Building dreams with matching blocks, Cooking, cleaning and finding shoes And other stuff that children lose, Fitting lids on bottled bugs, Wiping tears and giving hugs, A stack of last week's mail to read - So where's the quiet time I need? Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord, Just at the sink or ironing board, To ask the blessings of Your grace, I see then, in my small one's face, That You have blessed me All the while - And I stoop to kiss That precious smile.
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